'Hates' and 'have to's' and how one little word changes everything

Dear Peace lovers 💓

I am a sole parent and not surprisingly, there are days that I struggle with the tension between things I’d like to do for myself...and the things I do for my daughter, house, and home...

...And if I want to make myself miserable, then I tell myself I have no choice about what I do, which sounds something like this: I can't get anything done for myself because I have to make the dinner, I have to drive my daughter places, I have to do the laundry and  I'm all alone with these responsibilities so who else is going to do it? I have no choice.

‘No choice’ thinking is as draining as it sounds because it renders us resentful, unhappy victims of circumstance, and sucks all the joy out of life...

Here are 2 simpe steps I use to reconnect with my power & choice again, in any situation: 

🌸 Step 1:  Discover the Need/s you ARE meeting by doing the task at hand. Take a moment to connect and appreciate the beauty of that. Try saying out loud: I choose to ...{XYZ} because it meets my needs for ...{insert need here}

My example: 

I choose to drive my daughter places, because it meets my needs for nurture ( her social, physical and educational wellbeing matters to me), connection (because we chat on the ride), and peace of mind ( to know that she's safe).

🌸 Step 2: Acknowledge the Need/s that are NOT met by doing the task. Allow yourself to connect and appreciate the beauty of those needs too ...and perhaps, come up with some other strategy towards meeting those needs?: I realize that I also have a need for ...{insert need here} and so I’m going to try... {XYZ}

My example: 

I am aware that I have other precious needs for balance, self-care, and movement forward with my business. This matters too, so I’m going to take a small step to create more space for myself by waking up an hour and a half earlier every day, for some focused work time ( in fact I am doing this right now as I write to you😉).

NB If you really can't find a meaningful, life serving reason to do what you're doing?...then I strongly suggest you consider not doing it at all because chances are your levels of resentment are costly to the wellbeing of everyone involved, especially yourself.

If you need any support with how to live life more compassionately with yourself and others, or if you would enjoy more clarity around this particular topic then I would LOVE to hear from you.

If you are already familiar with the concepts of NVC then you are invited to join my fortnightly workshop to Refresh Connect and Integrate your NVC skills...

...for a life more choice-full, joyful, and free!


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