"If compassionate communication is so good? then how come it doesn't always work?"

Some people find certain concepts of nonviolence really hard to get their head around, especially the notion of transcending right and wrong thinking. Yet I’ve never come across anyone who hasn’t appreciated and derived immediate benefits from being heard with empathy.

So why is it then, that when people begin learning the language of compassion ( NVC), communication with others can sometimes get worse before it get better?


In my experience it is usually for one of two reasons:


🤦🏻 1. Learning a new language can sound a bit awkward.

Add to that the worry about communicating ‘right’ and you may feel uncomfortable or self-conscious. Tying to hide that discomfort can make you appear inauthentic. This in turn can stimulate annoyance or distrust in others...reducing the likelihood of connection.


🐺 2. Using empathic words while having judgemental thoughts.

If our thoughts and our words aren't congruent then we may, for example, end up saying something that sounds like a request but is actually a demand.  When this happens our body experiences an inner tension which carries through to body language and tone of voice. Again, this can stimulate annoyance or distrust in others...reducing the likelihood of connection.

Like any new skill- the remedy to all this is simply practice.


🦒 The practice and integration of NVC helps us learn to speak naturally, creatively, and even poetically about our needs.

And, provided we also have a genuine care about the person's well being, we can develop the capacity to let go of attachment to outcome, stay open and curious about strategies that might work for everyone, even in conflict situations and....greatly increase the likelihood of connection.

Sound good? It is!


Consider learning NVC or joining my practice group on the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays of the month to Connect, Refresh, and Integrate your skills.




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